A Start

 It's still not easy to start what I envision. But is there a plan or is it pure random? Can you call it creative flow? Or laziness?

I keep thinking of the goal now. The path. Why am I here and doing the exact things in life that I am doing instead of following a more expected life path. But that's also a very interesting question that led me to some other subjects I will wish to talk in the future. But it's a good exercise to sit in a room alone and give time to yourself to question: "Why am I doing the things I am doing? Why didn't I evolve in another way? What makes me, me?"

There are things I sense like I am touching, certain ideas that are not far from the desert of the real but need work. They need planning. Maybe I should research more rather than let my mind wonder around from subject to subject. But I've sensed certain things that I will categorize and specifically talk in the future. I sensed more things this year that's ending, than previous years. I think I am onto something. And that's a reason I decided it's time to write.

Every year at moments where the mind is not preoccupied by other issues or interests, I find myself snapping onto some interesting ideas that I wish I could evolve more. Normally I should have also done some research, but usually I am very chaotic and disorganized and I follow the thread when a thought pops up in my mind and I notice an interesting detail I haven't explored before. Maybe I speak too much about generosities (even my writing goes into tangents all the times, zero plan, just lazy flow) so maybe I should focus on a more specific thing on this short writing. It will mostly be a short mention of few of these ideas I've recently noted down as significant. In the future, I might revisit them (among with other things).

So, here we go.

We need to understand the fundamental human psychological forces behind most humans, regardless their differences in the social, biological, political, cultural or ethical. We have something in common. One rogue psychologist would call it "We all want to be liked". I also think of the so called "virtue signalling" term, that one might think it comes from one side of the political spectrum, but really we all do it, even outside the political. Humans have a certain tendency: We advertise ourselves. We lie to ourselves unconsciously. By participating in the social, we create a personal identity, for example that "I am this person, I believe in these things, so I must be a good person". When we discuss issues, we reflect our opinions back in the sense that "I have expressed this so greatly, I am proud of myself". We pretend that we do it because we want to help. But I think that here is a fundamental human lie. I can't prove it, but I sense there is something. It's one of the reasons behind the sociopolitical struggle exploded through the social media. We all virtue signal by just expressing our opinions, we all lie to our selves or create a sense of personal greatness because of our opinions/ideals/presentation of ourselves to the world.

Meanwhile, to have a sense of greatness, someone else must be less great. We always look for the lesser human, the one with the wrong opinions, the bad political ideas, the less moral. From virtue signalling, you have the phenomenon of cancel culture. We moralize, we attack others to feel like we are the better humans. This is not to say don't do it, my attempt is to understand the desert of the real, if this is our nature that we always hide from ourselves, and it blinds us from seeing the problem here, it keeps us fighting inside and outside of social media, it bloats our ego of being the right humans and them being the wrong people, we need to at least be honest with ourselves and aware of these psychological forces.

This could in a sense be related with another issue dear to me. How we treat the losers of society. We like to moralize and look down up the losers as we have it better because we did the right thing and we need to patronize others as it elevates our sense of being the better person. Meanwhile, because we don't want to seem heartless, we still build those lies around ourselves that we reprimand these people because they need to learn and we just want to help them improve. But we really don't care.

We do this constantly, I have done it too in several occasions. It's easy if you are not in someone's shoes to wonder "But why don't they do something to improve their situation? They are just lazy!". And it elevates our position by calling out the lesser. But masking it in a way that looks like we still have empathy for the other who doesn't even relate to our own life really. Why would someone who has a better life, still have the need to reprimand the one that fails at life. Why is there such a negative connotation with the term "loser"? You wouldn't go out to a poor person on the street and be like "What a loser! He is complaining for being poor and society not caring, but he just did something wrong! Just stop being poor man!!!". And I know there will be excuses like "These are economical losers, so not their fault (Oh, it's the capitalist system bro) (because we also ascribe to this political sense "I care for the poor so I must be good") but instantly switching brains for the let's call them "social losers".

And here is another fundamental thought concerning that. I have a model in my mind where no matter what, there will always be losers! Always!!! Whether it's economical or social losers. I have a model in my mind but maybe I should describe it in another post. And that model tells you, it's pointless to reprimand the one who fails in life, since no matter of how you improve the conditions there will always be a hierarchy. If you make everyone equal somehow, you will still want to be a bit more equal than your equals. You want to exceed in something. Because you have such grandiose idea about your greatness. If you can do a bit more than the next person and be a winner, it means some people will be losers. Todays losers might be winners in the past, if because of the natural human competition standards are raised. No matter what, some people will be resentful or even if they are not, others will look down up them for being such failures. We keep doing this even if it will always be a reality for some. No empathy, yet we pretend empathy because "We must be the better persons, else we wouldn't hate the others, but those losers? They did that to themselves!!!".

This is a big discussion and maybe I should keep this for a future post. There are 2-3 points in this post that are recent subjects I was toing around my had recently. Oh,. the other idea is the idea of goal or life path. How it is shaped by this reality of the above, and how certain people will chose alternative paths as they might fail on the main path most people follow. And the phenomena that this creates. As much as I used to not be a fun of the woke/sjw side of the political spectrum, I recognize that people are attracted to that because it's an alternative path of greatness when they can't acquire the greatness in the most common success paths. My focus on special nerdy interests in contrast with not fitting in social with the mainstream, might reflect that too. That's a big discussion so I have to end it here.

That was a rough throw away of those concepts (and who knows what other fundamental idea I am just forgetting right now, I was toying for few months during some evenings with all these and I forget). I do hope (but not promise) I could cut certain ideas/themes and analyze them in shorter posts in the future. I am also thinking what would be best to do as I go on with the systems in my mind, I could just throw them away there on the internet, or become more organized and plan more specific goals for spreading my ideas. But everything is fluid, everything is chaotic, it always was, so maybe I should not take it too hard for now and just lay down the thoughts. I wouldn't even do that years ago when I was thinking I should start this blog or that page or channel.

I need to start. I really need to. I am not pleased about certain things in the world and I just want to talk about. But find new avenues, not just describe the same ideas we already know, but touch the unknown, get closer to the desert of the real.